Thanks to texting and interwebs, people have come up with every possible abbreviation imaginable to escalate efficiency.
“LOL” – Normally you would expect this on FB or Twitter. But in person? You should be ashamed. It doesn’t work if you are interacting with a person face to face and say “LOL” and you standing there with a straight face.
“Vacay” – Root word: vacation | Butchered by the Kardashians | sounds painful rather than relaxing makes me think of decay.
“With all due respect” – but…this is normally followed by unsolicited advice, sarcasm or an insult. People should rather say “prepare to be disrespected”. If you going to say something nasty, just say it, or keep quiet, but don’t disrespect me further by using “with all due respect”.
“Just saying” – Thank you for clarifying that the thing you just said is a thing you are saying. At least show some feeling and enquire if the person understands what you are saying.
“The magic happens outside your comfort zone” – I just laugh at the combination of “magic happens” and “outside your comfort zone” it’s like taking something to a completely different level. It’s also very irritating to think that your comfort zone is boring, and you are so missing out.
“I feel you.” – Unless you are really feeling me, then you have no clue of my feel. If you are actually feeling me, then (a) I’m probably aware of it, and (b) I want you to please stop that.
“I am not going to lie to you.” – I look at people with a blank expression every time they say this to me. My brain goes into overdrive; if you need to clarify that what you tell me next is not going to be a lie, then I’m going to wonder if everything you told me before this was a lie. I am now questioning your credibility, how do I know that you aren’t lying now when you say you’re not going to lie to me?
“Hit the ground running” – This sounds really painful, I rather refrain from hitting anything. I could however hit on Jason Statham if you like, but the ground …err I don’t think so!
“Think outside the box” – Why are there boxes, society always wants to boxify us. (I don’t think boxify is an English word). Who invented these boxes? Why are you in a box in the first place?
“It is what it is?” – The most redundant line ever! This desperate filler phrase is a longer version of “whatever”. Its saying to the other person: “I have nothing helpful to contribute, but don’t want to stop talking yet.” Weakest Advice Ever! I am leaving you because …… Accept it …. It is what it is!
“Epic” – hyperbolic synonym for great, incredible, this word refuses to go away, because it’s just so darn huge.
“#” – the orthographic monster – and I use it so often it’s scary – #stop#Saffiya#please
“At the end of the day” – This perspective-seeking cliché sounds even worse than “all in all” and “when push comes to shove,” particularly because it’s used at all hours of the day. I would rather use the word “eventually or finally or ultimately” and you’ll sound more classy.
“He wouldn’t know even if his ass was on fire?” Or “he doesn’t know his a$$ from his elbow?” I beg to differ; I think he would know unless he is really a dumb guy. Come on…like really?? Fire and he wouldn’t know? Let alone the picture I have in my head of some guy’s ass, definitely not nice!
“My bad.” – I don’t know if this is annoying or just someone who doesn’t want to say “I am sorry” – so they rather say “oops…my bad!”
“No offence but…” – Then they go on to being deliberately and unambiguously offensive.
“Don’t take it personal” – Ladies and gentlemen I give you the Urban Dictionary definition because I couldn’t have said it better: A phrase people use as a disclaimer to make an excuse to say or do something rude or mean to you to prevent you from having a poor self-image or so there won’t be repercussions and make you feel they still like you even though they probably don’t.
No matter how hard you struggle, these phrases inject their way into your consciousness. No matter how much you deny it, you let them back out. I don’t have any “delusions of grandeur” that I too, will be cured from using them, and bastardising the English language.