Learning and understanding the unspoken language of our mothers for fostering happy and united families.

Are you that child that felt like your mother loved your sibling more? That your mom had her favorite kids and you felt left all alone and neglected? Having to grow up very fast and work harder? Feeling like you had to work hard to please your mother?

The scenario painted above is very close to home, however today my focus is on the lessons I have learnt and what you can take from it if you feel caught up in the same kind of circumstances.

I have learnt that mothers silently believe in you, and they know you are stronger and you can do it. What they are doing is not favoritism, but they see the need to hold your sibling/s by the hand, because instinctively they know they are weaker, and need a little more support. I have realized that they do this without really thinking, it’s something that happens automatically guys… and fathers might be doing this too, but I think it’s huge with mothers…!

This has caused a lot of friction between siblings, between mothers and their kids (the ones I’m addressing now), causing the division in families.

In most cases, the “neglected” child is likely to do better in life than the other siblings (that were thought to be favoured). And there is a reason for that, it’s purely because your mother believed in you, your strengths, your capabilities…

Mothers have a challenging task of grooming and imparting lessons to develop successful kids, which they can feel proud of later in life. Because it is a challenge, they don’t always get the balance right or at least that is the case for those watching from afar. Learn and appreciate that a mother who is able to understand her children’s strengths and weaknesses, who dedicates her life to ensuring that her kids are better prepared for life and the one who will stop at nothing to make sure that even the weakest link is not allowed to be just that.

It took me a long time to realise, I hope you figure it out sooner. She always has your best interests at heart.

About The Author

Gontse Kekana
Contributor

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7 Responses

  1. Tumelo

    So thought provoking…this explains a lot
    I never really thought about it that way before

    Reply
  2. Rhoo

    well I believe that a mother has a task to find a balance on giving all her children a fair attention & treatment they deserve, but I’m sure most mothers they do know how to manage those kind situations very well.

    Reply
  3. Billy West - Mokale

    Being the hand that rocks the cradle, it its incumbent upon mothers to always make sure the weakest of the siblings are protected. Challenge is, this has a tendency never to be outgrown especially with boys that their “mommy soy status” follows them right into their married life, and believe me it is to their disadvantage.

    Reply
  4. Ivy

    well said, I must admit I never viewed it from that perspective.
    however, I dont think even though the “neglect” comes from the good spirit, it now makes it right. .I believe children should be treated equally and mothers too be encouraged to look deep into self and realise what their “neglect” is causing amongst her kids and to the kids…some get spoiled while some may be damaged psychologically and results thereof only showing at a later stage of their lives. .

    Reply
  5. Bathabile

    Mothers who do not treat their children equally and strike the balance often do not realise the psychological damage they cause to the one’s who are neglected and that can have adverse consequences in their relationships later in life. As a result they are betrayed by the lack of knowledge. All children whether strong or weak need love, attention, security and always want to be validated by their parents. Parents who understand that some of their children need more attention than the others will still strike a balance to ensure that none of the kids feel less loved, wanted or important.

    Reply
  6. Likhabiso

    It is a very interesting thought. we surely didnt see it that way growing up. I for one knew that both my parents and partenal grandmother loved me, favourited???perhaps but would not want to put it that blantly. But now i am talking from the side of a mother of two adorable toddlers. I love them dearly and consiously want them not to feel that one is mom’s favourite. A dear friend of mine at one time pointed to me that i perhaps give more attention the the other, which i didnt realise until she brought it to my attention…and it happened that the one that received attention was the one that was born in “hard” conditions. It was perhaps one way of protecting the child as the writer puts it. Since then i have monitored and controlled myself in striking the balance.
    Motherhood or rather parenthood is a very beautiful challenge that needs to be honed in every way to avoid the mistakes of teh past and raise happy confident children. The leaders of our beautiful country and continent.

    Reply

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